It's hard to explain the feelings that life gives you sometimes. It is for this reason that life is so hard for us so often. We feel like we need a person to share our feelings with, and when you look for that person in life they do not understand you, and you feel belittled because you sound like a babbling moron. It's a fact many share in their lives though not necessarily including everyone.
Right now I feel so very far away from my life. A life that is now long gone and long past. In Tallahassee, I swear everything made sense. It was the best feeling in the world having your home situated in this place, and a place where you knew you could just phone someone up and hang out and lay back.
When I say I feel far away I don't mean as in distance. The distance is the cause; the effect is not distance. The way I'm feeling is a mix of longing and grief because I need those secure feelings of Tallahassee again, yet I know they will never come back again.
When emptiness is stated, it is never truly meant, because only through complete emptiness does life come to us. The beauty, and workings, and incomprehension of it all. You realize that humanity is so incredibly vast and spread out that feeling that secure feeling is a fucking joke.
I now realize my mission in life is not to sit here and be a social king and live in the secured feeling. It is to venture out in to the world and discover for myself the incredible number of meanings to this world, for if there were one we would all have no point of living. The fact is life is to love man, and that is what you must do to enjoy life.
The things life gives you are wrested down deep inside your own body. Only after complete exodus of all the materialistic and desiring and selfish sheds of skin will you begin to realize how temporary our life on this beautiful planet is.
Therefore, my life, and everyone related to it will change in a soon time. I'm sure people have heard me talking about this in some other time, and probably thought I was joking, but as soon as I graduate from whatever college and have a fair amount of education, I'm not going to get a job in the damn United States. Who even knows if this shit country will still be around by then.
I plan to explore the world and apply whatever knowledge I have to help myself and others live in this world. Then I may rest knowing that I have at least tried and hoped to understand this magnificence called the Earth.
To all, my blog is now my posting station of life, not my life, but the life and the living.
Oliver D.
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