Dunno... I'm listening to Air right now. Alone in Kyoto. One of my fav songs. Deliciously chill. How's summer? I don't know again. Sometimes I feel like I want to live with my mom, sometimes I feel like I could actually have a life in Minneapolis, and sometimes I just really want to move back to Tallahassee and see how that works out. All I know is I'm indecisive as fuck. I wish I could just live on an ocean with nice crashing waves like the ones on this beautiful song.
The only problem with that is that the weather is changing. I'm afraid a tsunami is going to crash on my ass. Hell, I could surf it, right? If only I knew how to surf. I mean, come on! Three years in Florida and I don't know how to surf? But, really, I'm sort of scared of the world. Maybe it's just me realizing it from maturity, but the weather seems a lot scarier and intense these days. I hear all this crazy stuff from scientific books about how we're overdue for a meteor crash, an ice age, a major earthquake, and a magnetic pole shift. Irregularities in statistical probability only carry on for so long.
I feel like surfing the world in my last couple of days. Surfing to Tibet. Saying hi to my yogis before the actual monster bear of nature gulps down humanity. Some days I feel like I should read a book, but I don't. Some days I feel like picking up the guitar and strummin some tunes. But I put it down too soon. When's the day I'm going to finally put my foot down and take the shit, you know? Accept what I'm worth and kick some ass and take some names.
It better be soon, cause I'm bored. My summer's fucking suck and I just turned 16, but I'm still too freaked out to go take my driver's test for my license. Maybe I could do something for once. Instead of be cooped up in the house with the most depressing damn family in existence. I have a feeling it's not them but rather a manifestation of how shitty Houston, TX is.
I thought I was saved at one point during this summer. You put all your faith in something, and especially me. I put all my faith in someone. Another person who is a thousand fucking miles away from me. I put all my faith in them. I mean, what did I expect? Of course I got fucked. Another time; in the ass. But then again. I do tend to believe in love at first sight. Of course all that means is I'm fucking blind.
I'm really scared of the future. I never thought I would be the type to be scared. I always thought I'd just tuck my tail in and sail with the wind. Which is what I generally do put in the situation, but just sitting here doing nothing allows a ponderous mind to... well... ponder. I just worry, sorta. About what I'm going to do as an adult. I mean I only have two years. I remember at one point thinking I was just going to run off into the big scary world and forget about college and have idyllic carefree journeys in the East. But these days I tend to think about how my mom and dad are going to support themselves after they retire. So I want to get a high-paying job to support them. Is that a little too paranoid? Yeah I thought so.
Well, song update: I'm listening to The Strokes - Is This It?
Fun song. Maybe I should get way too tired and not think about it. But shit, it is already 4:35 AM. I should be asleep and not thinking anyway. I'm supposed to be up early tomorrow too. To meet a friend or something. Fuck it...
Please... float with me now...
At this point I am letting go....
And ONE...
take in a deep breath...
And TWO...
hold it in, slosh it around in your filthy lungs...
And THREE...
let it go... and float...
*Bill Wither - Use Me*
Note: This started playing for twenty seconds then my MP3 player battery died. Motherfucker...
