Blog Change

It's hard to explain the feelings that life gives you sometimes. It is for this reason that life is so hard for us so often. We feel like we need a person to share our feelings with, and when you look for that person in life they do not understand you, and you feel belittled because you sound like a babbling moron. It's a fact many share in their lives though not necessarily including everyone.

Right now I feel so very far away from my life. A life that is now long gone and long past. In Tallahassee, I swear everything made sense. It was the best feeling in the world having your home situated in this place, and a place where you knew you could just phone someone up and hang out and lay back.

When I say I feel far away I don't mean as in distance. The distance is the cause; the effect is not distance. The way I'm feeling is a mix of longing and grief because I need those secure feelings of Tallahassee again, yet I know they will never come back again.

When emptiness is stated, it is never truly meant, because only through complete emptiness does life come to us. The beauty, and workings, and incomprehension of it all. You realize that humanity is so incredibly vast and spread out that feeling that secure feeling is a fucking joke.

I now realize my mission in life is not to sit here and be a social king and live in the secured feeling. It is to venture out in to the world and discover for myself the incredible number of meanings to this world, for if there were one we would all have no point of living. The fact is life is to love man, and that is what you must do to enjoy life.

The things life gives you are wrested down deep inside your own body. Only after complete exodus of all the materialistic and desiring and selfish sheds of skin will you begin to realize how temporary our life on this beautiful planet is.

Therefore, my life, and everyone related to it will change in a soon time. I'm sure people have heard me talking about this in some other time, and probably thought I was joking, but as soon as I graduate from whatever college and have a fair amount of education, I'm not going to get a job in the damn United States. Who even knows if this shit country will still be around by then.

I plan to explore the world and apply whatever knowledge I have to help myself and others live in this world. Then I may rest knowing that I have at least tried and hoped to understand this magnificence called the Earth.

To all, my blog is now my posting station of life, not my life, but the life and the living.

Oliver D.

In Houston, Prolly Not Returning

Hello there, all my loyal blog readers. *smirk* Sorry for the long delay, but I didn't have Internet here for a while, and when I finally got it, I didn't even bother to post here. Hopefully, I'll be able to semi-catch everyone up with the latest happenings.

Well, I flew to Houston almost a month ago. My dad bought me tickets that were rounnd trip (no use now, read on) for me to originally return on August 13, though, I got a call from my Pop the other day. The situation goes like this:

My dad is going to be buying me a one-way ticket to Minneapolis, which is where I will inevitably live until Christmas Break '05, and then, he says, if I am still unhappy, I have the choice of living with friends in Tallahassee again. Yep, it really looks like it won't work with Ryan this time. To all my friends in Tally reading this, I'm sorry, but it sucks.

I've already tried every known (to me) method of extracting sympathy. Everyone says I should move, because I'll definitely make new friends of the same importance or even more so. I really have a hard time believing that. Well, I guess I'll be finding out soon.

Anyway, Houston hasn't been too bad. It's been kind of cool seeing all my old friends and stuff. It's also been pretty eventful. In fact, just today, in the mail, I recieved the two Flaming Lips shirts that I've been waiting for, for so long. (3-4 days)

I hope this post has updated some people. I'll talk to everyone later, and you faithful blog readers too.