A Musical

So the curtains open. In your scruffy, hot, and itchy costume you can feel the warm sweat beading out, soon to become cold and freeze you to death. Your throat feels parched and no matter how much water you drink you're thirsty. As the curtains part, the faces appear. One by one, expecting; ready to receive what they came for.

A good performance.

Your lips part, and the words come forth, and you're not sure at first, but sure enough, out comes the sound. You prance around, and exaggerate the hell out of expressions. You live someone else's life. You rejoice in change. You live for the expectancy. The thrill. You almost want to mess up!

This is the rush, the chance you take. The emotion that spills forth is genuine. This is all you've ever learned in your life shining into the audience's eyes. And surely, every note is beautiful, gorgeous, emanating from your soul.

The crowd roars. They love you. You are caressed in your own self-respect, you knew you could do it! Why were you worried? Now you express every note as beautiful as the first. The curtains close and there is a glimmer left. A tiny bit of the love. Where is it? "Nice job!" someone says. Oh , it's gone.

Kissed by recognition.
Killed by the close.

This is the life.

What Love

And so I kissed you.
With a thousand kisses.
Now soon I will miss you.
No more sweet kisses.

The lullaby you lulled to me,
the face you fairly conveyed to me.
The moments that you sang to me,
the days that you would sit with me.

Oh fantastic ferocity,
how I felt when you would...
glare should...
dare could...
Stare...

My drunken breath,
with your sweet charm.
How wrong,
such a juxtapose.
Yet it conveyed such prose.

Dare I kiss you again?
Feel you upon me.
Light bosom, a feather,
upon my broken mass,
lying in this grave tether.

You source of liberation!
I see the stars!
Your eyes!
Please laugh with me.
And smile!
Your eyes!

I stared,
ensnared!
You took me,
all of me!

Oh, please, allow me to take you.

There we would lie,
you in my arms.
Upon the grass below the sky!
This feeling, will I cry?

Please enjoy it too,
I care now for only you.
If we could live together,
everyday,
in such a way,
dancing in all stages of weather.

There I would see you,
in the rain,
there in you some kind of pain.
You would be dripping,
the water, oh!

Could I then make you mine?
Take you in my hands,
to where the heavens shine,
emit the light of all godly emotions,
LOVE!

Dry, then, you would be,
and together, us, we'd be.
Can you see?
Or is it just me?

When I found a light in the dark,
I ran to it!
Oh, after such a long time in the dark,
I ran to it!

Shall this light be truly unique,
or akin to the rest,
please!

The stars tell me it's so!
This to you is what I show!

I saw it in your dreams,
you're the one.
They told me so...
you know...

When you smile,
the world as we know it,
is ours.

Is it just desire?
please free me.
My mind will deceive me.

Soon I will feel no love at all.

The Essence of Perception

Sometimes I truly wonder if I am in this world. Living in the US, most people here are down to Earth. I always imagine what it would it would be like if I were to be suddenly put in some chaotic situation. How would I respond? What would I feel? What would I be thinking?

Lately, life is a connection to your body. Other days life is everything you are. Life is really a bunch of electricity circulating through your brain. A bunch of endocrines and hormones move about your brain creating emotion. A bunch of neurons storing all of what you have known and perceived in the world.

But, really, how do we have this thought? Have we ever really stopped and wondered how complicated our thought processes are? How one tiny action can sever our whole connection to this world? Then imagine how there are imperfections in our body. Can there not be imperfections in our own brain. Can abnormal behavior be accounted for by the tiny differences in our structure that make us unique.

Indeed, from one person to the next, our perception of the world is completely different. It is important to remember that whenever you consider multiple sides of an opinion, you remember this. People do not understand and see things the way you understand and see them. They too believe their way is the best way, and they too believe that one way is the best.

Now, think of the whole race of man. This combination of different thought processes and thoughts that have flowed through so many's heads. The satisfaction that comes with the comprehension of some mad idea that suddenly seems sane. How crazy we are in our own magnificent ways.

What makes you beautiful is not what you appear to be to others, but what things appear to be to you. Only then can you react in a way that is beautiful. But your reaction is not where it starts. It all starts in the original action being observed by the eyes of the beholder.

Don't forget: in war, everyone is justified.

Of course, what do I know?

Are we just electricity or is there a true form in which we will all eventually dwell. Your life will be over soon to come; the journey, salvation, nirvana has just begun.

Breathe in the air...

Blog Change

It's hard to explain the feelings that life gives you sometimes. It is for this reason that life is so hard for us so often. We feel like we need a person to share our feelings with, and when you look for that person in life they do not understand you, and you feel belittled because you sound like a babbling moron. It's a fact many share in their lives though not necessarily including everyone.

Right now I feel so very far away from my life. A life that is now long gone and long past. In Tallahassee, I swear everything made sense. It was the best feeling in the world having your home situated in this place, and a place where you knew you could just phone someone up and hang out and lay back.

When I say I feel far away I don't mean as in distance. The distance is the cause; the effect is not distance. The way I'm feeling is a mix of longing and grief because I need those secure feelings of Tallahassee again, yet I know they will never come back again.

When emptiness is stated, it is never truly meant, because only through complete emptiness does life come to us. The beauty, and workings, and incomprehension of it all. You realize that humanity is so incredibly vast and spread out that feeling that secure feeling is a fucking joke.

I now realize my mission in life is not to sit here and be a social king and live in the secured feeling. It is to venture out in to the world and discover for myself the incredible number of meanings to this world, for if there were one we would all have no point of living. The fact is life is to love man, and that is what you must do to enjoy life.

The things life gives you are wrested down deep inside your own body. Only after complete exodus of all the materialistic and desiring and selfish sheds of skin will you begin to realize how temporary our life on this beautiful planet is.

Therefore, my life, and everyone related to it will change in a soon time. I'm sure people have heard me talking about this in some other time, and probably thought I was joking, but as soon as I graduate from whatever college and have a fair amount of education, I'm not going to get a job in the damn United States. Who even knows if this shit country will still be around by then.

I plan to explore the world and apply whatever knowledge I have to help myself and others live in this world. Then I may rest knowing that I have at least tried and hoped to understand this magnificence called the Earth.

To all, my blog is now my posting station of life, not my life, but the life and the living.

Oliver D.

In Houston, Prolly Not Returning

Hello there, all my loyal blog readers. *smirk* Sorry for the long delay, but I didn't have Internet here for a while, and when I finally got it, I didn't even bother to post here. Hopefully, I'll be able to semi-catch everyone up with the latest happenings.

Well, I flew to Houston almost a month ago. My dad bought me tickets that were rounnd trip (no use now, read on) for me to originally return on August 13, though, I got a call from my Pop the other day. The situation goes like this:

My dad is going to be buying me a one-way ticket to Minneapolis, which is where I will inevitably live until Christmas Break '05, and then, he says, if I am still unhappy, I have the choice of living with friends in Tallahassee again. Yep, it really looks like it won't work with Ryan this time. To all my friends in Tally reading this, I'm sorry, but it sucks.

I've already tried every known (to me) method of extracting sympathy. Everyone says I should move, because I'll definitely make new friends of the same importance or even more so. I really have a hard time believing that. Well, I guess I'll be finding out soon.

Anyway, Houston hasn't been too bad. It's been kind of cool seeing all my old friends and stuff. It's also been pretty eventful. In fact, just today, in the mail, I recieved the two Flaming Lips shirts that I've been waiting for, for so long. (3-4 days)

I hope this post has updated some people. I'll talk to everyone later, and you faithful blog readers too.